Celebrating 10 Years

I’m about to get very sentimental, but before I do, I want you to head over to my Instagram and enter the awesome giveaway I have going on! You can enter on both my @craftmoore and @30MinuteCrafts handles for extra entries!

Okay … now that we have that out of the way…

It seems an odd time to be celebrating. In the middle of a pandemic (is this the middle? I’m not even sure…), I’ve reach this milestone that would have seemed unattainable 10 years ago. But, here we are. Exactly 10 years after I hit publish on my very first post on this site, and I’m still here.

Looking back, the opportunities that blogging has given me are truly incredible. I’ve authored a book and co-authored another. I invented a sewing notion. I’ve become a pattern designer and a YouTuber (this last one is an achievement my children are particularly tickled with). I’ve partnered with some of the most amazing brands. I’ve traveled all over the country including Salt Lake City, Phoenix, Los Angeles, Houston, Chicago, Beaver Dam, and Cleveland.

Though all of this has been incredible, I think that what I have loved the most about this whole experience is the people. Because I wouldn’t still be doing this if it weren’t for all the amazing people that have been part of this journey.

You, dear reader, are one of the most incredible parts. Readers who just pop over from Pinterest for a few seconds to see how I put together a project, readers who check in every now and then, and readers who subscribe to my newsletter and connect with me on Instagram. Knowing that there is someone there who might have some interest in what it is I have to say is humbling. Thank you.

Also incredible are my blogging friends. Over the years I’ve met hundreds of fabulous women (and also a few men and nonbinary persons) who understand what it is that I do… because they do it too. We can chat about SEO, ad networks, and what the latest WordPress update looks like. And I’ve become very close with some of these fabulous ladies over the years. They inspire me daily. You know who you are – thank you.

When I thought about writing this post, I thought about including some of my “greatest hits” – those things that I’ve shared over the last 10 years that stand out. Like when I was brutally honest, or when I became an award winning quilter, the time I wore a dress I made out of Duck Tape, or when I sold my first pattern. And while those are all fun stories and lovely parts of this journey, I thought I’d share with you a story that I don’t think I’ve shared here before, and was so incredibly meaningful.

Several years ago, there was a one-day blogging conference about an hour north of where I live. In our local blogging facebook group, I offered to carpool with anyone interested. A blogger I’d never met before took me up on the offer to carpool.

The morning of the conference I drove to her house to pick her up, and then off we drove up to the conference. On the way, we chatted about our kids and our families and about blogging, too. About 40 minutes into the drive I was chatting about some of the videos I had done and I felt a shift in the energy in the car. Something had changed, and I had no idea what. She said, “That’s where I know you from.”

She had watched some of my videos. My voice had sounded familiar because I had been in her house, teaching her how to make a quilt block on YouTube a few months before. This was the first time I’d had the opportunity to hang out with her – but it wasn’t the first time she’d hung out with me. We’d been friends before I ever parked in her driveway that morning.

And that’s what has kept me going. That technology allows friends I haven’t met yet to invite me into their homes, and chat with them here on the blog or on social media or share a tutorial on YouTube. I’ve had ten years of sharing ideas that inspire someone’s wedding décor or mother’s day gift or teaching them how to make their first quilt. Ten years ago I pushed publish on a post that maybe 10 people have looked at, ever. But it was the start of being able to connect with so many people out in the world. I’m so glad that I made that leap.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for connecting with me, and allowing me to connect with you.

Always,

Sewing Studio Reveal

Even before we moved to social isolation and stay-at-home orders, I had a crazy thought. What if we swapped my sewing studio with the master bedroom? And when my friend Cheryl asked if I’d like to join in her annual Spring Clean your Studio Blog Hop, the idea really started to take hold – ne sure to scroll to the bottom of this post to check out the links of everyone else participating in the sewing room spring cleaning challenge!

We live in a 1950s bungalow in San Diego. It is less than 1200 square feet, which was an adjustment when we moved here five years ago from our 2400 square foot new construction home in Las Vegas.

The largest room was the master bedroom, and also had my husband’s desk and computer. The children like to play video games on his computer, which means they’re often in my bedroom when I’m looking for a quiet place to relax. And my office space wasn’t large enough for me to keep my filming lights or tripod up. So as soon as I was done with a video, I had to pull them down or risk tripping all over the legs and cords.

Before moving all the things between the two rooms, I did some measuring to make sure that our bedroom furniture would fit in the new master bedroom. I graphed everything out on graph paper to check the layout. It would be snug, but it would work. Armed with this information, I asked my husband what he thought. He shrugged and said that it did not matter to him. That was all the encouragement I needed!

I’ve shared my sewing space in the past. I move things around as my needs change. You can see past versions here (2018) and here (2016) and here (2014). And here is what it looked like before moving things over. That ironing board is overflowing with … stuff!

It took a full day to move all the furniture and other stuff between the two rooms. The table in the sewing room had to be taken apart. As did the bed. The two doorways were right across from each other, which made some of the logistics easier. However, things had to be done in the right order to make space for the new things that were coming in. At the end of the day it was all moved… but a complete mess.

I spent the next week working my way through the mess. I still had deadlines and commitments to work on, so I needed functional space. The first area that was made functional was the filming desk. It also works as a computer desk, in a pinch.

Because I was doing video meetings, I wanted to have a nice backdrop, so installing everything in this area was important. The background is very similar to what I had in my last space. There is a small cabinet against the wall on the left, with a sugar mold and shelf, and some of my mini quilts. To the right, I added a quilt rack that my mother found for me several years ago. I haven’t had it up in the house for quite a while, and was excited for it to get some use again.

I also love sitting in this space because I have a view of the Clementine tree in the backyard while I sit there. My old room faced the street, so I always had the windows covered for privacy. I’m loving this new view!

Maybe I should wash the windows so I can truly enjoy it?

Because of the extra space, I’m able to keep those big filming lights up all the time. This will be such a time saver when I just want to film a quick video!

And when I’m on camera, I’ll have a fun and colorful backdrop behind me.

A few things in the background that you may enjoy … On the top left, you’ll see the spool holder that was a gift from my mom. Below that, to the right of the heart letter board, you’ll see eight circles. These are from the sewing machine that I learned on, and controlled the decorative stitches.

Below the shelf, you’ll see my Baby Lock Jubilant. I’m an Influencer for Baby Lock, and I’ve named my Jubilant “Saturday.” To the right, in the middle of the photo you’ll see the nesting baskets from the pattern that I just launched. The quote on my laptop is from Gilmore Girls and says “If you’re going to throw your life away, he better have a motorcycle!”

Also, if you look at the very top, you’ll see a spot where one of my ribbons is missing. I finished this wall up the morning that I did my Facebook Live Trunk Show, and one of the ribbons fell down during the live! I still have to put it back up.

And, below the tabletop is the entrance to our bomb shelter. Yes, you read that right – this house was built in the 1950s and the original owners added a bomb shelter to the house. We did go down there once you can watch the video here.

On the left, I installed two large Ikea pegboards for all of my quilting rulers. I have a decent-sized collection, and keep adding to them. I also have my threads, and my glittered deer head which is a nod to my friend Beth Kingston from The Kingston Home.

Above the filming table, you’ll see my camera. I have it clamped on a mount that can move in all directions – but is great for filming overhead when I want video of my hands.

To the right, I have a large frame that I picked up at a yard sale years ago to turn into a design wall. Above the design wall I have an old letter tray that was in my childhood bedroom. In the letter tray are Lego Minifigures that I’ve collected.

Moving to the left is my ironing table. I have a beautiful large ironing table that is perfect for pressing whole quilt tops. I haven’t added decor to the walls yet, just a small design board that is a large canvas covered in batting. On this design board you can see blocks from the Quilty 5k and from the Ruler of the Month.

To the left again is my desk. Actually, there is a corner that is being used as storage. I have bins of paints, glue, old projects, and other items that need to be stored. Also, a wooden cabinet with a small TV on top. This TV gets plugged into my camera when I use a second camera angle, so I can see what the camera is filming.

I have my Cricut Maker on the desk, the laptop I use for school, paints and tools, my podcasting mic, and one of the projects I am working on.

This wall in the room is a dark mustard color. It isn’t my favorite at all. I had painted the other room a beautiful silver-blue that I loved, and so moving to a room with mustard walls is a bummer. I’m sure I could paint these walls eventually – but I’m not ready to take that on just yet!

I am working on putting together a miniature sewing room. Funny that I’m fixing up my actual sewing room while creating a minature sewing room, right?? If you want to learn about the mini sewing room kit, I have a Youtube Video where I go into all the details.

So far I have done the basic furniture assembly and the wall assembly. I still need to tuck away the wires from the lamp, and then I’ll start customizing – adding my own details to the project!

For anyone who wants to get their own mini sewing room, you can find the Amazon affiliate link here: https://amzn.to/39Y5sLQ

To the left of the desk is my sewing space. This is a dining room table that I got at a steep discount because it had a scratch in the top. The scratch is always covered by a cutting mat, so I never notice it! This table is in the middle of the room. In front of the table is a large reclining chair, bookshelves, my husband’s desk, and a large TV. I can see the TV while I sit here and sew, which is lovely. And when my kids are playing computer games, I’m in here with them.

Right now I’m taking a break from mask sewing to try to finish up these pineapple blocks. They are the next Ruler of the Month pattern and I can’t wait to share with you how I set these blocks!

Also, you’ll see my Baby Lock Aria. I love sewing on this machine! Her name is “Sunday.” And if you caught the name of my Jubilant, you’ll see why I say “I only sew on Saturday and Sunday!”

Turn to the left again, and you’re back where you started in the filming space.

I made the marbled canvas quote art several years ago, and it is a great reminder.

Below the quote art I hang all of my Cricut mats, and over the mats is a piece of wooden lattice which I use for storing all my Art Gallery Fabrics selvedges. I’m a proud AGF Sewcialite, and I love collecting the selveges from each fabric that I cut into!

To the right of the art, you’ll see a peek into the closet. That was just moved over yesterday. Moving the closet and making the rest of the space ready for taking photos was a full day of hard work. The closet isn’t at all camera ready, but I’ll show you a peek inside. Because we’re friends now, right?

Eventually, I’ll tidy and organize this as well. But a closet’s job is to be functional rather than pretty. So, as long as I’m able to find what I need without things falling on me, I think I won’t worry about this space too much for now. Too many projects are calling to me!

For those of you who follow me on Instagram, you may have seen this peek of my messy floor in my filming space that I shared earlier this week.

Well, I took a little time to clean the floor and also organize the green bins that were overflowing. They each have different kinds of supplies – clay, paper, wood, party, holiday … simple supplies that are good to have close by. But only if I can find what I need! So I went through them to see what was there and make it fit nicer.

Well, there you go – a full tour of my new sewing studio! I hope you enjoyed seeing my new space. I am so glad I’ve got it all set up and organized. An organized space feels so good to step into, don’t you think?

If you’d like to see the others in the blog tour, check out the links below!

April 1 – Sam Hunter – http://www.hunterdesignstudio.com
April 2 – Marian Pena – http://www.seamstobesew.com
April 3 – Jennifer Fulton – http://www.inquiringquilter.com/questions
April 4 – Martha Wolf – http://Www.pinwheelprodns.com
April 5 – Jennifer Strauser – http://www.dizzyquilter.com
April 6 – Steph Carton – http://www.theelimonster.com/blog
April 7 – Simone Fisher – http://www.simonequilts.com/blog
April 8 – Kate Colleran – http://www.seamslikeadream.com
April 9 – Carlina Moore – http://www.alwaysexpectmoore.com
April 10 – Jen Frost – http://www.faithandfabricdesign.com/blog
April 11 – Leanne Parsons – http://www.devotedquilter.com
April 12 – Becca Fenstermaker – http://www.prettypiney.com/blog
April 13 – Sarah Myers – http://www.quilted-diary.com
April 14 – Mitzi Redd – http://www.reddhomestead.com
April 15 – Jeanette Larson – http://www.Jenonthefarm.com
April 16 – Camille Ainsworth – http://www.stitchinthenw.com
April 17 – Becky Philips Jorgenson – http://www.patchworkposse.com
April 18 – Bobbie Gentili – http://www.geekybobbin.com/category/blog
April 19 – Janellea Macbeth – http://www.janelleamacbeth.com/blog/
April 20 – Lisa Ruble – http://lovetocolormyworld.blogspot.com
April 21 – Debra Davis – http://www.tuning-my-heart.com/blog
April 22 – Rona Herman – http://www.Ronatheribbiter.com
April 23 – Sue Griffiths – http://www.duckcreekmountainquilting.com
April 24 – Sarah Ruiz- http://www.saroy.net/
April 25 – Jessica Caldwell – http://www.desertbloomquilting.com/
April 26 – Tammy Silvers – http://tamarinis.typepad.com
April 27 – Ebony Love – http://www.lovebugstudios.com/blog
April 28 – Cheryl Sleboda – http://blog.muppin.com

Dream Sewing Room

When my friend Cheryl asked if I wanted to be part of her sewing room blog tour, of course I said yes. In part because I really don’t know how to say no to anything… and in part because I really needed a deadline. My sewing and crafting room has been in serious need of a facelift for months, and having a deadline would give me the motivation I needed to get it all put together. Read on to for the story of my new space, and be sure to check out the links at the very end of other fabulous sewing spaces!

Dream Sewing Room! Isn't this the dreamiest little sewing corner? Found over at www.AlwaysExpectMoore.com

For months I have been dreaming of my new sewing and crafting room. About four months ago, we had a flood in our kitchen. The drainpipe in the wall behind the sink in our 1957 Bungalow was made of cast iron, and had cracked. Water leaked into the walls, and soaked the floors. All the cabinets and flooring were going to need to be ripped up. Which was made more complicated because there was asbestos found under the living room carpet, and in the walls. And the glazing of the tiles was found to have lead in it.

The process ended up being fairly involved. My sewing room looked very much like it did the last time I did a sewing room tour in 2016. I had to pack up the closet, which meant my sewing room looked like this:

things pulled from closet

Then, I had to move everything away from the other interior wall so that the bathroom that shares that wall could be re-piped. So my sewing room looked like this:

things shoved in the corner

Before putting everything back, I re-painted the walls. They were a yellow-beige, and are now a soft blue-grey. And, I decided not to put everything back where it had been. My needs have changed since I first set up the room 3 years ago. I do a lot more typing at my desk, so need some real desk space. And I need dedicated work space for crafting. And I needed video set-up, preferably set-up that would work for crafting, and set-up that would work for sewing. I had two months to plan and dream up how my crafting space would look when I could finally move back in.

First, a dedicated sewing space. The machine could stay set up at all times. The ironing board is right behind the machine for easy access. And all my threads are close at hand on the wall. Plus, the backdrop of thread and mini quilts is great for filming video.

sewing corner

Second, a dedicated crafting space. Right up against the window for great natural light in the afternoons. A bright, white desktop for taking photos. This faces the sewing space, so I also have great eye candy.

crafting workspace

Third, a desktop space for typing at the laptop. With a great background for Facebook Live videos and for YouTube videos.

video background

This is flanked by large shelving on either side that hold papercrafting supplies, my Cricut Machine, and printers.

video backdrop

While I do feel a pang of envy when I see my friends have beautiful, all-white spaces with everything tucked behind cabinet doors, I find that this setup works best for me. I’m very visual, so open shelving means I get to see my supplies and be inspired by them. The spaces are all designed to be flexible, I can easily change out the video backdrop by removing the black bulletin board from the shelf it sits on. And above the bulletin board are curtain rods with clips I can use to hang quilts, streamers, or anything else I want to use as a video background.

And while I love having a clean space to start crafting on, it doesn’t always stay this crisp. As I cycle through projects and deadlines, you’ll find different projects on each surface…

This was when I was working on the pizza pillow for Fairfield…

This was when I was working on clay pot craft projects.

This was when I was finishing up my hot glue gun book (which will be out this fall).

And this is what it looks like now!

cleared space

I’m currently working on re-organizing the closet. Having a functional closet in this room will make such a difference in being able to manage the clutter in this space!

Thanks so much for joining me on this tour of my craft room! Be sure to check out these other Dream Sewing Spaces!

April 23 – Lori Crawley Kennedy – http://theinboxjaunt.com/
April 24 – Jennifer Thomas – http://curlicuecreations.blogspot.com
April 25 – Robin Koehler – http://nestlingsbyrobin.blogspot.com
April 26 – Andi Barney- https://www.andibarney.com/
April 27 – Misty Cole – http://www.mistycole.com/blog
April 28 – Carolina Moore- https://alwaysexpectmoore.com/
April 29 – Heather Pregger – https://heatherquilts.blogspot.com/
April 30 – Linda Bratten – https://lindabcreative.blogspot.com/
May 1 – Lisa Reber – https://www.dippydye.blogspot.com/
May 2 – Teresa Coates – http://www.crinkledreams.com
May 3 – Lisa Chin – http://www.lisachinartist.com/
May 4 – Jamie Fingal – http://www.jamiefingaldesigns.com/
May 5 – Sam Hunter – www.huntersdesignstudio.com
May 6 – Jessee Maloney – www.artschooldropout.net/blog
May 7 – Rhanda Parrish – http://www.sewartsyfartsy.com/
May 8 – Sarah Vedeler- https://meaningoflifedesigns.com/
May 9 – Jessica Darling – https://jessicakdarling.com/
May 10 – Melody Crust – http://www.melodycrust.com/
May 11 – Debby Brown – http://higheredhands.blogspot.com
May 12 – Cheryl Sleboda – http://blog.muppin.com

 

 

The Anatomy of a Win

My friends all know that I’m a competitive person. I LOVE contests. When I was younger, it was rough. I really, really, really wanted to win. But nobody wins all the contests, all the time. Though I ended many a contest in tears, it didn’t dull my love of competition. Thankfully. Because as an adult, I see contests as more than just a chance to win. It is an opportunity to complete something (nothing helps me finish like a deadline). I have a reason to stretch myself – try new skills. And I get to see what other like-minded creatives have come up with. I love getting to see other entries! I get inspired by what they came up with. And while I still get a little jealous when I see an awesome idea and think, “Man, I wish I had come up with that”, it is now combined with an appreciation for the craftsmanship behind it, and excitement by the inspiring idea.

three different dresses

So, when the Craft and Hobby Association (CHA – now AFCI {Association For Creative Industries}) announced their “Fashion Fusion Challenge” I KNEW I wanted to be a part of it. I’m much more of a quilter than a garment maker, but I’ve successfully made several garments. And considering that the show is filled with crafters, not all sewists and garment makers, I liked my chances. Plus – it would give me a chance to stretch myself.

 

Here are the basics of how the contest was going to run: There were two tracks – accessories and garments. People could sign up as individuals or in paired garment/accessory combos. We would all show up on Thursday at 11am. We’d have several hours to work in the workroom, using the supplies generously donated by sponsors. If we didn’t finish, we’d have access to sewing machines on the show floor on Saturday and Sunday. We had to turn in our completed designs Sunday afternoon for judging. Winners would walk the runway Sunday night.

supplies from sponsors

On the website were photos of the patterns that would be available for us to choose from, the fabrics we would have, and some of the notions and accessories. For a contest, they really gave us quite a bit of information up front. I loved it, and decided to use this information wisely!

 

Fairly quickly, I found a friend to team up with. We started sending design ideas back and forth. We came up with a feather theme. I’d convert the pattern for a top into a dress with a high front and low back. We’d add feather designs on the inside back for extra interest. I would bring Espadrille soles to make coordinating shoes which would lace all the way up the calves. I ordered the pattern online to play with it, and try my pattern adjustments at home – I knew from experience that the first time I make a garment isn’t nearly as successful as my third or fourth.

sharing the pattern

But then she had a family emergency, and couldn’t come. Luckily, Simone offered to step in for me. We re-planned. The pattern I had ordered came in and I sent her photos of my first attempt.

first attempt at design

It was not great. The dress was baggy where it should be fitted. It was uninteresting. And I wanted to take advantage of my quilting knowledge. So I tried again.

dress with quilted pieces

This one was more interesting, but the length made it look like a housedress. And while the log cabin piecing was perfect for quilting … it did nothing to enhance my figure. But, I had taken two passes at the pattern, knew what was working well and what was not, and more importantly, I was out of time.

 

On Thursday, I was late. My flight arrived on time, and I was able to get from the airport to the hotel. But my hotel room wasn’t ready for check-in. I had to rummage through my bags for the items I planned on taking with me, stow my carry-on items in my suitcase, and check them at the bell desk before running to the conference center. Late is not my favorite way to start!

 

Once we were both there, Simone and I wasted no time getting started. She was going to create a headband and purse. I was going to create the dress. And (time permitting) Espadrilles. We went through the items from the sponsors to see what we could use. WOW! So many fancy items that I didn’t even know existed!

Other than being late, I had a second hiccup. I had brought my own rotary cutter and ruler, but there was no cutting mat. My design hinged on cutting strips of fabric and piecing them back together. Not possible without a cutting mat!

Luckily, we were able to wrangle one from one of the booths on the show floor, and I started piecing my dress.

pressing and working

The workroom was loads of fun. Hanging out with the other gals sewing and crafting, chatting with my friend Simone, learning about the cool Brother machine and the Brother Scan-N-Cut. There was lots to keep me entertained while I stitched together strips of fabric.

sewing photo

Unfortunately, Simone and I weren’t able to take advantage of all the workroom time. We were both scheduled to speak at a roundtable on social media that overlapped with the last hour. Simone had nearly finished the clutch (there was adhesive drying on it), and I was at a good stopping place. We packed up what we had, and crossed our fingers.

In the hotel room, I did as much prep as possible. Pinning and marking don’t require a sewing machine. Simone was able to finish embellishing the clutch. She started on the headband.

Pinning on Bathroom Floor

On Saturday, I headed back to the sewing machine. Between working in booths and attending events on the show floor, I snuck in about an hour of sewing. I had forgotten to mark the neckline, so couldn’t progress any further. I also stitched the pieces for the Espadrilles. Saturday night I’d have to stitch the fabric to the soles, as well as mark the dress. And hope that I’d have enough time in the morning to stitch the neckline, sew the sides together, and hem the dress!

While hanging out in the hotel lobby with friends on Saturday night, I stitched up the shoes. I LOVED the way they turned out, and knew that they would be perfect to wear with the dress.

stitching shoes

Sunday I was exhausted. When I attend the show in January, I usually just go for Saturday and Sunday. Just two days. By this time I was on day FOUR. Four days of chatting, planning, partying, staying up way too late, and waking up WAY too early. But I was determined to finish!

oh so very tired

When I finally had the dress sewn together and ready to hem, I was so excited to try it on. Of course I took a bathroom selfie to send to Simone!

ready for hemming

After hemming, I tried on the whole outfit, with shoes and clutch. Just needed the headband from Simone, and we were ready for judging!

try on dress

The judging was incredibly nerve-wracking. Quite a few contestants didn’t make it to the final judging. In the “teams” category, my main competition was a teen who had made a skirt. It was the second garment she had ever sewn, and she had done quite a bit of hand-sewing in order to get her look finished on time. I barely knew her, but was incredibly proud of her for getting it all done.

The worst part of hoping that you will win is knowing that someone else will lose.

judging

When the final result was announced, I was so excited! WE WON!! But that meant being runway-ready that night. Luckily for me, it was as easy as messaging my friend Jessica. She had done my hair and makeup for more than one of these types of events, and knocked it out of the park each and every time.

Makeup session

With the perfect hair and makeup to go with my outfit, I felt fierce as I walked down the runway a winner! Here I am with the other contestants and their awesome looks. To the left of me is the individual garment winner from The New Craft House. To the right, the individual accessories winner. And on the end, the outfit that was my competition. No, we are not all glowing – the lighting in the bar just made us look that way!

fashion show winners

The whole event was such a fantastic experience. It was so fun to alter a garment, work in my quilting skills, partner up and collaborate with a friend, and (of course) come away a winner!

the three dresses

Usually a good win comes with a great prize – this contest was no exception. As the winning team, Simone and I were given a Brother sewing machine and a Brother Scan N Cut. We had them send the sewing machine to Simone, and I’ve been able to give the Scan N Cut a new home!

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The biggest Social Media lie I ever told.

At some point, we’ve all lied on social media. They are usually lies of omission. Sharing a photo of our beautiful dinner; omitting the chaos of family surrounding it. Showing a photo of our freshly cleaned kitchen; omitting the photo of our hair that hasn’t been washed in 3 days. Social Media allows us to frame our lives in ways we feel comfortable sharing – omitting the less glamorous parts.

I omit things all the time. Often, because the rest of the story is not mine to tell. I’ll share a photo of the beach – but not the friend I met there to console. I’ll share a landscape – but not that the reason for the trip was to visit someone in the hospital.

I’ve been wanting to tell this story for some time. I waited so long because this one isn’t entirely mine to tell. But enough of it is. And enough time has passed. I’m ready to split this secret wide open. It is a big one. This lie wasn’t a single post – it was an entire vacation. I lied about an entire trip to London on Social Media.

The backstory

I was 25, and Jane was about 5 years older than me. She and I became close friends. She had been told she might not be able to conceive. “You would make a great mom – I’ll carry your child.” I told her flippantly one day over coffee. I was taken aback by my own statement. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew that I would do it if she needed me to.

I got married, and birthed two beautiful babies. I discovered I make a terrible pregnant woman. I’m not cute when pregnant. I’m a fat, swollen, grumpy, and tired when pregnant. However, I was absolved of my promise. Jane, through IVF, gave birth to a girl, and later a  set of twins.

Throughout the years, I heard the stories of so many friends who had trouble conceiving. I’ve lost track of the number who turned to IUI or IVF. The tearful calls from friends when they mourned another failed cycle. Or miscarriages. Or being faced with the decision to reduce a multiple pregnancy.

One of these friends was Rachel. Rachel and I were very different. She is a decade older than me, has her MBA from a top-10 school, and has faced some serious health issues due to a car accident years before I met her. But she quickly became like an older sister to me. It was an unlikely, but perfect friendship.

Rachel and I stayed friends for over a decade. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding, I was a bridesmaid in hers. She moved away, and so did I, but we remained close. And she confided in me her pregnancy struggles. The fertility industry feels especially cruel to people like Rachel. Over and over again, it filled her with hope, emptied her pockets, then left her with nothing. She exhausted all of her options, until doctors told her she had to stop for health reasons. She would never carry a child.

You might wonder why she and her husband didn’t rush to adopt at this point. But that part of this story is not mine to tell. I will tell you that they knew their best option was surrogacy.

Building up to the lie

The remnants of my past promise to Jane lingered in my mind. I found it, dusted it off, and offered it to Rachel. The promise was weightier this time. Filled with a better understanding of what it was I’d be offering. Rachel needed to be a mother – she needed a child in her life. One that would turn her world upside down and right-side up again. The only way for that to happen was with a hand-me-down uterus. I didn’t need mine. I was giving it to her. With one catch – medicine and science said it had to stay in my body.

We started talking every week. Wednesday afternoons we would hop on an international call (she was living overseas by then), to talk about everything. Life. Relationships. What this all meant.

Rachel and I discussed all the details we could, with one goal. We would keep going until we hit a “no.” She hired a lawyer to write up a contract. I talked to my OB, who had seen me through my two pregnancies. She consulted with fertility specialists. I was on the path to becoming an unpaid surrogate. She was trying yet another path to becoming a mom.

So many details to arrange. Then re-arrange. When we started, I was living in Nevada, and would fly to San Francisco for the implantation of her embryo. A year later, I was living in San Diego, and would fly to London for implantation of the 5-day blastocyst conceived from a donor egg that had been fertilized by her husband’s sperm. We’d jumped numerous hurdles, but we had not gotten to “no” yet.

The Lie begins

The last month, there were so many times we came close to “no.” And on social media, I lied through it all.

The day I underwent a procedure to remove uterine scarring from my past c-sections was also the day I stopped in to my son’s jog-a-thon at school.

The day I was in tears on the phone with a customs agent who wouldn’t release medication I needed to take the following day without copies of my passport e-mailed to her was a day without social media.

The following day I had to find someone to inject me with the first medication. That day I shared the kids eating fast food in the car. Hashtag “real life”.

And then we discovered that I had fluid in my uterus. This was disastrous. Fluid in the uterus meant that the chances of implantation were virtually zero – the fluid would wash the blastocyst away before it could implant.

So I underwent a procedure to remove the fluid.

Twice.

And disappeared completely on Instagram. I didn’t have the energy to lie to the world.

We already had flights booked. We had overcome every obstacle. We could do this. We had not yet found “no.”

A week of lies

I flew to London. We met with her specialist. The fluid was back. The doctor was telling us no.

Having overcome every “almost no” that had been thrown into our path, we weren’t ready to take this no. We convinced the doctor to give it a chance. I’d take a new medication to see if it helped. I’d see the acupuncturist to see what Eastern Medicine had to offer.

And I lied all over social media. I shared pictures of a fabulous London vacation. We took a picture of me at a London phone booth on our way to the acupuncturist. A quick snap of me with a postcard of the queen on the way to the pharmacy. A very few friends knew what was really going on, but to the rest of the world, I was having an awesome London getaway with my best friend.

For days we did what we could. I saw the acupuncturist several times. I drank the most horrible tasting tea. I threw up the most horrible tasting tea. I ate food high in iron. Took long walks. We googled everything that might help while waiting in line at the London Eye. I shared none of this online.

Then we went back to the doctor. Her answer was still no. Unbelieving, we sat at a cafe trying to come up with alternatives. Wanting a second opinion, we found a clinic that specializes in ultrasounds. Their results were the same. We called the doctor in San Francisco, and the doctor in San Diego for confirmation. Nobody could provide a clear reason why it was happening, it was a fluke.

They all agreed that transferring the 5-day blastocyst at this point would result in almost certain failure. And they all agreed that if we tried another round, we’d almost certainly get better results.

I thought of all the times I drove up and back to the fertility center in San Diego in the months before coming to London. All the hours my boys had to wait. The procedures I underwent. The time I was spending away from my family now. All the times I sacrificed my family for the sake of her growing hers. I didn’t want it to be for nothing. I wanted to move forward. But this wasn’t forward, this was going back. I couldn’t commit to doing it all again.

We had found “no.”

On a beautiful day, in a park somewhere in London, I lay on the grass and looked at the sky while the reality sunk in for me. 100 yards away, Rachel and Sam were dealing with their own reality. Theirs so much harsher than mine.

 

The following day, we pushed through. We stopped by the prime meridian and walked through Greenwich market before heading to the airport. I flew back to the US. I hugged my children, and spent the next few days resting as the fertility drugs worked their way out of my system.

After, I tried calling Rachel.

She responded by text. She respected my decision, but it was too hard to keep in touch. She was in a dark place. Afraid that she’d try to convince me to change my mind. She and Sam were trying to move forward, looking into paid surrogate options. She’ll contact me when it is over.

It has been 18 months.

I don’t have it in me to lie anymore.

I lost my best friend. She may have lost her last chance at becoming a mom.

There is nothing left to omit.

 

*names have been changed.

Pokemon Halloween Costumes

I thought I’d share our family Halloween Costumes this year. My boys, in all the Pokemon Craze, decided they wanted to be Pikachu and Raichu for Halloween this year. I figured they would be easy enough to make out of fleece. I went to JoAnns to get fleece in the colors I’d need, and looked for a basic pattern that would be easy to adjust with a tail, stripes, ears, and such. I found McCall’s 6106, and it was perfect!

I spoke to my SIL who lives here in San Diego. Her boys wanted to be Pikachu as well. Making 4 costumes really isn’t much more work than making 2, so I whipped up all the costumes and had them done by mid-October. Pretty much a Halloween miracle, as I’m usually finishing costumes the night before. So of course I took to Facebook to brag a little.

Pikachu and Raichu Costumes

Karma. Karma, karma, karma.

My other SIL, who lives in Northern California has a couple Pokemon-obsessed kiddos as well. 3 of them. She asked if I could whip up some costumes for them as well. I’m never going to say “no” to making costumes for my nieces and nephews, and by this time I was a Pikachu expert, so of course I said yes.

And then discovered they didn’t want Pikachu.

They wanted Charmander, Nidoran, and Squirtle.

This was going to be more challenging than I originally planned! But a challenge is just a solution away from genius, so I bought more fleece in different colors, and started stitching. I used the same pattern, just with more adjustments.

more pokemon costumes

My SIL took these photos of the kids in their costumes:

Charmander and Nidoran costume

Squirtle Costume

Kids traveling to Halloween parties often need to hop in and out of car seats or Booster seats, and I didn’t want their costumes to get in the way. So I made the tail, spikes and shell detachable with magnets (these are traditionally purse clasps).

squirtle shell

Since I was already making a record number of costumes, and we had a good Pokemon theme going, I told my husband I’d make him a Snorlax. He was game!

Snorlax Costume

That’s how 2016 became the year that I made 8 Halloween Costumes. From Scratch.

I’m thinking it is also how 2017 became the year that we bought our costumes instead of making them! Ha!

picachu costumes

Work in Progress

This past year, I focused on the inside of the house. Cleaning the kitchen and putting down new shelf paper. Getting the craft room organized. And finding our way around the community. There has been lots to do!

This year, I decided to focus my efforts on the outside of the home. That doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything else… it just means I’m taking any extra energy, and giving our house some curb appeal (and back-yard appeal).

back yard grass

This yard is so much different than our last yard. Mostly because of all the green! And the trees! We’re living in a 1957 Bungalow, and it has some great trees in the back yard, including an orange tree and a mandarin orange tree.

trimmed mandarin tree

I’ve started some of the work already. The mandarin orange tree needed some pruning, so I took a stab at it first. I hadn’t ever pruned a fruit tree before, so I did some research first. Turns out fruit trees like their canopy, so the major things were to not thin out the canopy too much, and mostly focus on getting rid of any dead branches. It wasn’t too bad. What was a lot more work was the giant shrub next to it… and I found out why!

trim bush

It turns out the purpose of this shrub was to hide the vent pipes for the bomb shelter that is under the house. So, I trimmed it back as much as I felt comfortable doing, and will see how it grows back this year – then trim it down a bit more next year, allowing the new growth to take over.

I have some “before” photos of some of the other areas of the yard I tackled. The side yard has a great raised bed that I wanted to plant vegetables in. But first, I had to weed it.

side-yard-to-back

side-yard-to-front

The dead tree was trimmed down, and my 3-year-old and I tackled the weeds. Then we planted onions, carrots, lettuce, and peas along the length of it. They’ve started to grow, and I’m looking forward to sharing progress shots when I have actual vegetables to show off!

The other side of the house has a small planter bed, with vines in it.

side-and-orange-tree

We took out much of the vines, and added a raspberry bush and a blueberry bush. We’ll see how they grow, but hopefully we’ll have some sweet berries to pick this summer.

The back patio needed a little help as well.

back-patio

on-the-patio

We were gifted some great patio furniture, and once we rinse off the boys’ outdoor toys, the patio will be even more functional.

The last big hurdle in the backyard was the orange tree.

orange-tree

This poor tree was insanely overgrown! I had to trim off all the sucker branches from the bottom, and all the dead branches from inside the tree. And pull out so many branches from the neighbor’s tree that had gotten tangled inside. It took the better part of a day. But it looks so much happier, and we’re hoping it will give us even more amazing oranges this next year. When we moved in we were told that it might be an orange tree… or it might be a grapefruit tree. Luckily, it turned out to be an orange tree with the sweetest seedless oranges! Perfect for snacking, or fresh-squeezed orange juice!

Hopefully soon I’ll have more images for you… and I hope to share front yard photos when the flowers start to grow in.

Persistence

At the end of  2014, it was time to pick a word for 2015. In 2014, my word for the year was Forward. I’d made great forward strides, so I chose Thrive as my word for 2015. I was excited to take all I’d done in my year of FORWARD, and use it to THRIVE. I went to CHA, met lots of amazing brands, and was prepared for an amazing year.

They say when men plan, God laughs. But what they don’t tell you is that when women plan, God says “You should know better.” We’re not completely in control of our own destiny. And so it was just a few weeks into last year – we were moving! For all the right reasons. My husband was offered a promotion, which we were (and still are) very excited about. That promotion came with a move to San Diego – which would put us closer to family (and the beach!)… it was a good thing.

But after 8 years and two babies, moving wasn’t what it had been in the past. And packing up an entire house and moving it out of state – then unpacking into a new home… it took a lot out of me. More than I ever imagined, and more than I’m willing to admit. By the end of last year, I was ready to admit defeat. The year of “thrive” became the year of “survive.” But I did survive. Which brought me to deciding on a word of the year for this year. Because despite the catastrophic miscalculation of the previous year’s word… I was determined to find a word for this year. I had some ideas… but then I came across this quote that resonated with me.

persistence quote

All the talent, all the smarts, all the education in the world… none of it will stand in for actually doing the work. And that’s what this year is about. Doing the work.

I made a little plaque for myself to have in my office, and remind me.

supplies-for-persistence-ca

mod-podge-in-place

2016-one-little-word-is-per

We’ll see where this year’s word takes me…

 

A Birthday gift to me

Friday was my birthday. My 36th birthday. Which meant three things. The first was that I got notifications all day long from Facebook, people wishing me a happy birthday. Lots of people that I love and care about… and some people that I can’t remember why their on my friends list at all! Each Facebook message – and each phone call from family – was a precious reminder that I’m loved.

The second thing that happens is that I make a call to schedule my mammogram. I’m 36, and my two closest female relatives have battled breast cancer. For those of us with a family history, we start making our annual dates with this pretty machine when we turn 35.

The mammogram machine

Yup, that’s the photo I took last year, on my first date with the mammogram machine. It wasn’t so bad. There were no flowers or chocolates… but I also was told not to put on deodorant. Any date where you don’t put on deodorant as part of the getting-gussied-up process is going to have a different bar for success, don’t you think?

It isn’t a coincidence that the Cancer Treatment Centers of America and MomSelect reached out to me to share this important message in February. For me, a mammogram in February makes sense because it coincides with my birthday. For you, it might make sense because of Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s day is a great reminder to get an annual check. While you’re in the changing room trying on something lacy – make a quick phone call to the doctor to make sure that the curves that fill out that lace and trim is healthy – and stays that way! And if you’re not in a situation where you feel compelled to buy some lingerie mid-February, maybe you just need a reminder that your breasts need a little squeeze. A mechanical hug, if you will…

Love yourself - Schedule a Mammogram!

Last year I went for my mammogram, I was a little scared. It was like part of me was admitting that breast cancer could happen to me. And running away is so much easier, y’all. Thinking that everything will be fine. But getting the report back, confirming that everything is fine – that feels so much better! If you’re nervous about getting your first mammogram, check out the CTCA website and type “mammogram” in the search box. You’ll find lots of information on what mammograms are all about. Or, feel free to ask your questions in the comment section below – I’m no expert, but I’m happy to share what I know!

So, what is the third certainty that comes with having a birthday? Blowing out the candles and making a wish. A birthday isn’t a birthday without getting to make an annual wish while blowing out those dancing flames. I can’t tell you what I wished (or it might not come true!), but if you know me you’re probably guessing that I wished for something along the lines of a happy and healthy future for myself and my family. And you’d probably be right.

Yes, I received compensation for this post as part of a promotional program with CTCA and MomSelect. I am thrilled to participate because Mammograms are important.

How to rent a home in three days

Yes. How to rent a home in three days. I did it. Together with my husband, we spent 3 very stressful days finding a place to rent in the very pricy San Diego area. Mid-January hubby was offered a promotion, which we immediately accepted. Knowing that it would mean a move from our home of 8 years in Las Vegas to San Diego. This was a good thing. While we loved our friends in Las Vegas, and had an amazing community there, this move not only meant a promotion for him, but also a move closer to our family.

Once we knew the move was certain, we had about a month to find a new place, pack, and move. Not a lot of time. So we got started. If you have a big move in your future, here is how we did it (and some thoughts on how we would have done it differently).

moving truck

Day 1: Prep Work

The first day was preparing for our rental-hunting trip. Thanks to the internet and telephones we didn’t have to be in San Diego to get started. First, we had to decide on our wants and needs. We decided we needed 3 bedrooms (or two and a bonus space), we needed pet-friendly to bring our cat, and we needed garage space (attached or not did not matter). Wants included a yard for the kids, space for our furniture, on-site laundry (preferably in the unit) and a location close to hubby’s new work. We also set our budget, and knew we wanted to consider what school the rental was zoned for. We were pretty confident in our credit scores, but if you don’t know yours – now is a great time to check.

I went to websites to find locations. I started a list with the details: Address, rooms, cost, amenities. Then added the school district, school, and the school’s rank on GreatSchools.org. I checked with family to find out the areas to avoid. I tried to keep within our price range while still giving us as many options as possible: apartments, townhomes, and free-standing houses when possible. Having a list kept me from “finding” the same place twice – some were listed on multiple sites. I also added a couple that were more than we were willing to pay – it is always interesting to know what extra dollars can buy, and some of those amenities might make you re-consider your budget.

I printed out the school district maps, and bookmarked just about every website I visited so I could more easily find it again later. Google doesn’t always give you the same search results – especially if you don’t type in the exact same search term. I scoured property management websites. I made appointments where possible for Day 2 – our first day of searching.

One last important thing: I measured all of our furniture, and wrote down the measurements. We knew that we would be renting a much smaller place (about half the size), and we would need to know what furniture we would be taking with us, and what we’d want to sell/gift/donate before moving.

 

Day 2: Hunting

We started day 2 at a free-standing house in a fair neighborhood, about 15 minutes from hubby’s work. It had a lot of what we were looking for, but we didn’t want to jump on the first house. In retrospect, filling out an application and paying the fee would have been a good idea. It would have given us first right of refusal if we found something better. Even though it would have cost us about $50 in fees, it would have been money well spent for peace of mind.

We went through our list, taking photos as we went. I wish we would have taken more photos. Learn from my mistake: TAKE ALL THE PHOTOS. Take photos of everything. Take video as you walk through the space. It is all digital, you can delete what you don’t end up needing. You’ll think that you remember, but you won’t. Measure walls, and record them so that you’ll know later what furniture fits. Treat each place as if it might be THE ONE. There are no second dates when you’re house hunting with a tight deadline.

Our plan of attack took us across the valley. We started at the West end and moved East. This was an important time saver. Hopping around, on and off freeways in an unfamiliar city would have been a huge waste of time. Instead, we took it as systematically as we could. At the end of the day, we were exhausted. We decided that of all the places we looked at, the first place was the best. We called to get the paperwork started, but someone else beat us to it. We missed out on the first house because of our hesitation. Nothing else had us excited, but we had an idea of what the rental market here looked like.

Back at “base camp”, my Aunt and Uncle’s home, we got back to work. Hubby re-scoured all the rental sites for new listings or listings we might have dismissed too early, and I googled for property management sites. It was the beginning of a new month, and I wanted to see if they’d posted new properties. I also wrote down the name and phone number of each property management company to get us started on Day 3.

view of coranado

 

Day 3: Desparation

We had 4 days set aside for house hunting, and we were only in Day 2, but we felt like we’d already seen most of what San Diego had to offer. And though we knew that our new home would be much smaller and much older than the beautiful new-construction home we were coming from in Las Vegas, the reality was more stark than we’d realized. I began the day at 9am calling the list of property managers I had created the night before, asking if anything new was available that wasn’t on the website yet. After half a dozen calls, someone said yes, and off we went.

The apartment was newly renovated, and they were adding the last touches, installing a new fridge as we looked around. It was also tiny. 900 square feet. I measured the living room and started to cry. I didn’t own a single piece of furniture that would fit. My sofas, my tables, nothing would fit in this apartment that was barely larger than our master bedroom suite back home. Yes, I knew we’d been spoiled at the price of real estate in Las Vegas. Yes, I was ready to give up furniture and live in a smaller space as we made this step forward as a family. But as a work-at-home mom, I couldn’t see myself living, working, and raising my family here. I cried the ugliest cry right in front of that poor property manager and my baffled husband. It was the rock-bottom of house hunting, y’all.

We left. Not sure where to look next, we were close to a home that we weren’t allowed to schedule a tour for until we had driven by. With nothing else to do, we drove by. As we pulled up we noticed “open house” signs out front. Taking that as our invitation, we parked and walked through a cute little bungalow. The property manager was working in the kitchen, so we didn’t wander in there. We walked through the rooms. It was a little more than we had planned on spending, but not by much – and it had everything on our want and need lists – 3 bedrooms, an attached garage with washer-dryer hookups, 5 minutes from hubby’s work and walking distance from a school rated a 9 out of 10. It was expensive… but possibly worth it? We had a “maybe” house.

We spent the rest of the day calling property management companies, and looking at what was available. We went by a condo that was zoned for an amazing school – but it was hard to see the beauty in between the mess of the tenant who was still trying to move out. In the end, the maybe house won. We called, and submitted our forms. The house hunt was over.

house packed in boxes

Epilogue: The Days After

We were approved for the house, so we headed back home to the kiddos. My Mother in Law had watched them while we were house hunting so that we could focus on our task. Before leaving town we picked up an enrollment packet for school.

When we walked through the “maybe house”, we hadn’t taken any pictures. We weren’t seriously considering it at the time. We took a few basic measurements, but didn’t record any. This was a mistake. We knew our big couch would fit, but not which table. We should have done a better job recording these details, even on a house we didn’t think we were seriously considering. Relying on our memories – especially mine which was barely 30 minutes out of meltdown mode – was not a good plan. Especially… well, especially considering what we missed.

As the movers were bringing in the big pieces, I was taking smaller things out of my car. Including the boys’ sippy cups. I brought them into the kitchen to put in the dishwasher… the dishwasher… there … is … no … dishwasher. Our beautiful 1950’s bungalow did not come with a dishwasher. Luckily, we’ve moved one in – me.

the kitchen

There were other things we should have looked at. Like outlets. In Vegas, each wall had at least 2 outlets. Here, you’re lucky to find one per wall – and it probably doesn’t have ground.

outlets

So now, almost exactly a year later, we’re starting to feel settled. I thought I’d bounce right back in a month. Maybe 3. It has taken a year. I think it is all the firsts that makes it so hard. The first Christmas (where will we put the tree?). The first day of school (will he like his classmates?). The first Halloween (how much candy do we need?). It is also all the things that I never thought I’d have to decide again. After trying three different preschools with my oldest, I knew exactly which preschool would be perfect for my younger son – but I had to audition preschools all over again.

It has taken a while, but I no longer need Google Maps to tell me how to get to my favorite fabric shop. Or to the beach. I still need help getting to Ikea or the airport… but we’re making progress.

feeling like home